Insensate (Book 1 in The Dissolute Trilogy) Read online

  ~*~

  Chapter Two

  It’s a long way to walk to the boundary marker. I don’t think I’ve ever done so much walking in my entire life! I might die of exhaustion before we even reach the boundary marker. I’d go down in history as the only person who didn’t even make it out the gates, how embarrassing would that be. Then again, I wouldn’t know, I’d be dead. What am I thinking? It’s the fear, it’s driving me insane!

  I shake my head and take a deep breath to try and calm my frail nerves. Ruth hasn’t stopped crying, and it’s not helping. Her sniffling is wreaking havoc with my nerves.

  I look up, trying hard to focus on anything else but the people around me. Their tension is making the air stuffy and hard to breathe in. The dome shines clearly above us at this time of the day, when the sun starts to set on the outside. There are times you can almost pretend the dome isn’t there. Sometimes it sparkles, I don’t know what makes the dome sparkle, but it’s pretty when it does.

  There is one entrance between the two Ecocities. I’ve heard it’s guarded by both the Virtuous and Dissolute. I’m not sure who is keeping whom out. I glance up the road as it stretches out endlessly before me. I can’t see the boundary marker yet and it’s discouraging.

  Bush overgrown with wild grass spreads out on both sides of the road. I wonder what’s really out there. For most of the year it looks dead, just the dry wild grass. I know it’s invasive and useless, and Dad says it grows faster than his genetically altered crops.

  I drop my eyes back to the road and watch it move slowly with each step I take. My feet don’t ache too much if I do that.

  “Why, if we are going to spread the news of peace, do we have to wear black?” It’s Ruth’s shaky voice that finally breaks the silence, with a good question.

  Why can’t we wear our own clothes? After all, it represents peace. The shirts we’re wearing are form-fitting and not loose like our normal ones. It shows too much of our bodies if you ask me.

  “It’s so we can blend in with them, Ruth.” Mr. Demetrius doesn’t sound very convincing. He sounds sad.

  Oh boy, the answer didn’t help. It makes Ruth cry harder. I feel the anxiety levels spike around me, and it makes me jumpier. I increase my pace so I don’t have to walk too close to the group. I’m a horrible person! Instead of consoling Ruth, I’m only thinking of myself. I’m not Virtuous. I’m a Dissolute, and I don’t think they can convert me. I’m too much of a coward to ever be converted. It has nothing to do with faith. It has everything to do with fear.

  ~*~

  We’ve been walking for what feels like endless miles. I know it will be getting dark within the hour. I normally go and sit in front of my glofish now. I can’t remember where the day went. I haven’t checked my backpack to see how much food I have, but it will be time for supper soon.

  “I’m hungry.” Jasper gives voice to my thoughts.

  “We’ll eat later.” Mr. Demetrius sounds even sadder than before, or maybe he’s just tired. I’m tired, and staring at the road doesn’t help anymore. My feet ache and my legs are tired.

  Ethan takes hold of my hand and as I glance up at him, he nods his head to the right of the road. I don’t understand what he’s trying to say. I’m too tired to try and figure out some type of sign language.

  I frown, confused. I’m about to open my mouth when he yanks real hard at my hand. The jolt vibrates up my arm to my shoulder, and I’m too stunned to even get a shriek out, as we set off at a maddening pace into the bush. I didn’t know my legs could run this fast.

  “Faster, Jai! No one can follow us!” There is a slight tone of panic in Ethan’s voice, and for the first time since he told me to stay close to him I feel my stomach bunch together to a point that it actually aches. The ache spreads down into my legs and I’m afraid I’ll fall, but a miracle happens and I don’t.

  The knee high grass makes it harder for me to run in, and my chest is starting to burn.

  “Faster!” Ethan yells again.

  If I lift my legs any higher they’ll go past my ears! What does he mean faster? I can’t get any faster than this! It’s not as if I come with speed settings! If he yanks at my arm one more time, the only speed he’ll get from me is crawling, after I go head over heels into the wild grass.

  “Faster, Jai!” He shouts, yanking at my arm.

  “My legs won’t go faster!” I wheeze back at him. I don’t think he realizes he’s twice my size. I don’t think he realizes I’m going to drop dead any second.

  But, we keep running. The grass keeps hitting against my paints, making a swooshing noise. My breaths are really loud. Oh my word, I’m panting like Mrs. Noah’s gendog! He gets all excited when she comes home in the afternoons, jumping and panting, his tongue hanging out. I hope I don’t look like a gendog. How embarrassing!

  “Ethan,” I wheeze. “I can’t.” Another wheeze. Gosh, from panting to wheezing! I’m not going to make the boundary line. He doesn’t stop, but instead yanks me forward again. “Ethan!” I shriek, almost nose diving into the wild grass.

  “There’s the boundary marker. Just run, Jai.” His voice is filled with an urgency that makes panic explode inside of me.

  Are we running from something? Are we running into the arms of our impending death? What is waiting for us on the other side of the boundary marker?

  The boundary marker is a brilliant blue line that fades up into dome’s lighter tinge. I’ve always wanted to see it and now I can’t even appreciate it. I’m too tired, too frightened.

  “We can’t go … through it. The dome, it … will kill us,” I puff the words out.

  I really shouldn’t talk, it’s making my saliva thicker and that’s making me feel nauseous.

  “My brother is meeting us here.”

  He starts to slow as we reach the boundary marker. Now that the sun is practically gone, the boundary marker lights everything up alongside of it. I see Aaron as he comes up out of the wild grass. The light makes his skin look even paler than earlier.

  “Tell me no one saw you,” Ethan says.

  “No one saw me. What took you so long?” Aaron sounds different, younger and scared, not as official as he did when he addressed us back at the Haven. I didn’t know Ethan and Aaron were brothers, they look nothing alike.

  “We had to walk with the others. We could only break away now. Where is it?” Panic makes Ethan’s voice dip low. He lets go of my hand and darts forward, searching for something.

  I almost scream, thinking he has lost his mind and he’s going to walk into the force field, when he ducks lower and I see it. It’s a black hole in the dome, big enough for us to climb through.

  “Come on, you first,” Ethan says, turning back to me.

  I stare at him. Now I really think he has lost mind! There is no way I’m going near the boundary marker. It will fry me to a crisp.

  “Where are you going to go, Jai?” he asks. “You can’t go home and the others are long gone. You have three seconds to climb through or we’re leaving you here,” Ethan warns me.

  I don’t want to stay out here alone. I’m scared of the dark. I walk toward the boundary marker, my fear of being alone in the dark by far greater than my fear of being fried.

  I peek through the hole but all I see is darkness on the other side. The light from the dome is blinding me. I hope the hole doesn’t disappear on me. I fear my legs might shake right from under me as I put my first leg over. The bright blue light hurts my eyes. It’s the brightest light I have ever seen.

  When my arm and right half of my body is through the hole a pair of hands comes out of the dark. They grab hold of my waist and as they lift me through the hole, I shriek. Ethan had to have heard me! A hand slaps hard over my mouth, smothering my next shriek. An arm yanks me up against a hard chest. It’s definitely a man, there is no way a woman can be this big!

  I watch Aaron, and then Ethan come through the hole with ease, as if they’ve done this before. I try to shout a warning to them, but it’s stifle
d by the hand.

  “What’s this?” The voice above me is deep and edgy.

  “Relax, she’s Jasper Matthias, the daughter of the engineer. I told him I’d bring her,” Ethan says. He doesn’t seem to be caught off guard by whoever is holding me.

  But the hand isn’t relaxing. This cannot be good.

  “The daughter? You brought the daughter? You put a bullet in her, right now! She is of no use to us. You said only one, Ethan! Aaron we can use, he has been there before, but her they will break.” I was wrong. The voice isn’t deep and edgy, it’s cold and heartless.

  He lets go of me and I stumble forward, but luckily I don’t fall. I keep my eyes down, too scared to look up. My heart is beating in my throat, making it difficult to swallow.

  “I’m not shooting her. We’re wasting time here.” Ethan snaps.

  There’s a moments silence and then I hear a sizzling sound to my left. Everyone looks in the boundary markers direction and we watch as the hole in the dome shrinks until it’s gone. My chance to go back is gone. I’m in the Ecocity of the Dissolute with two men I hardly know, and another who wants me dead. My heart starts pounding wildly, making me dizzy. I take deep breaths to try and clear my head. I can’t afford to panic now.

  “I don’t need another child to worry about! Dammit, Ethan!”

  The man grabs at my shoulder, spinning me around and in the light of the dome I see a scar above his right eyebrow. He hasn’t shaven in a few days and it makes him look older, meaner. But other than that he can’t be older than thirty and if he weren’t that mean he’d look half decent.

  I shake my head to rid myself of the insane thoughts. I’m really losing it! Only I will notice what someone looks like while my life is hanging in the balance!

  He frowns and narrows his eyes at me. “If anyone asks you are Dissolute from here on out. You don’t know anyone Virtuous. You hate the Virtuous. You don’t have a kind word to say about them. You do as I say or I swear I will put a bullet in your head myself.” I swallow at his harsh words. I take back what I said about him looking half decent. He’s just mean. “Do you understand?” he asks.

  I nod, because there is just no way I’ll manage to say something right now without squeaking.

  “Take the food and first aid kits out of the bags and load them into mine.” He throws a ragged looking bag at Ethan. “Take off your jackets and toss them. Your clothes look too new.” His eyes travel over the length of my body and my cheeks flush with heat. “We’ll sort you out back at the ward, but you’ll have to get rid of that jacket too.”

  I just nod and do as he says.

  “They’re going to see right through her. She looks way too innocent.” He snaps at Ethan.

  Ethan looks at me and then at the man. “Jai is worth it, Chance.”

  My eyes widen at his name. I don’t get to react on his name as a fist comes out of nowhere, slamming hard into my face. I stagger back, as pain streaks across my cheek, but before I can fall hands grab hold of my shoulders, pulling me forward. I open my eyes and look right into Chance’s chest. My cheek is on fire. When he reaches for my face I flinch, but he takes hold of my chin and forces me to look up at him.

  “You didn’t have to hit her,” he growls, and his eyes dart over my head to either Ethan or Aaron.

  “The bruise should show by the time we get to the tracks. She won’t look so innocent anymore,” Aaron says.

  Shock vibrates through me. I can’t believe Aaron hit me. I’ve never even had a hiding in my life! No one has ever hit me and now, on the first day that a guy touches me, he hits me? I don’t know how to process that.

  I glance up at Chance, and for a moment it feels as if he’s waiting for me to cry. I bite back the tears. He grinds his teeth, and then he lets go of me.

  “I can’t believe I’m doing this. You better do everything I say or I’m leaving you behind,” he snaps at me.

  I didn’t miss that. I’ve been upgraded from being shot, to being left behind – that’s a good thing, right?

  ~*~

  Chance throws the bag over his shoulder and shoves at Ethan. “It’s good having you by my side again, Eth.”

  “I told you we’d make it. Mom sends her love.”

  Ethan smiles at Chance, and Aaron falls in next to them.

  I feel alone. My only purpose now is staying alive and finding Mom. Dad was only right about one thing; I have to look for Mom.

  I walk a few paces behind Aaron, Ethan and Chance. “How stupid are these Dissolute people that they don’t know Virtuous names when they hear them?”

  They all stop and turn slowly to me. Chance takes a step towards me and it’s then I realize I asked the question out loud.

  He holds up a finger. “One, these Dissolute people aren’t stupid.” Another finger joins the first. “Two, your Virtuous people were more than happy to sacrifice you to them.” A third finger goes up. “Three, you are now a Dissolute and you better start thinking like one.” He starts walking, but stops after a few steps and turns back to me. “Since when did they start sending out teenagers?” he snaps. “They are going to have a field day with her.”

  My eyebrow shoots up and I know I should keep quiet, but I’m really tired of being treated like a child.

  “I’m not a teenager,” I say. I meant to snap, but let’s face it … I don’t have enough courage for that. “I’ll be turning twenty in a few months. I would’ve gotten married. I would’ve started working.” I snap my mouth shut. Where did that come from? Am I losing it?

  Chance walks over to me and I shrink back into the darkness when he reaches for me. His fingers are firm around the back of my neck. He pulls me closer and I take two stumbling steps, until I feel the heat of his breath on my face. I try to swallow my fear down.

  “You need to keep quiet. That’s all you need to do.” His face looks grimmer than ever. “They are expecting Ethan and Aaron, not you. They know where I’m from. I’ve paid my dues to get in. I’d like to keep my brother from paying the same dues, understand?” I swallow the dusty lump down. I don’t want to know what he had to pay. “Now keep quiet. Just do what I say and you might just make it.”

  Might? My thoughts get stuck on the one word. I don’t like the sound of it. I’d like to hear a firm ‘will’.

  Chance takes hold of my ponytail and in one swift movement he pulls the tie out, along with some hair. I rub the back of my head where it’s stinging.

  “Put this away. The rebels don’t have these,” he growls as if he’s using the last bit of his patience with me.

  I gulp down the words Rebels. What rebels? A breath shudders through me. No one mentioned any rebels to me. I put the tie in my back pocket with the photo of my mom. Only then do I remember the clips – I forgot them in the jacket! I know they won’t wait for me to go and get it. Now I only have my mom’s photo. A pang of sadness overwhelms me at the loss of the clips.

  They start towards the dark metropolis in the distance. I suppress the urge to smooth my hair out and follow close behind them, my eyes jumping from their backs to the buildings looming in the distance.

  There are no lights, only shadows of the towering buildings that once were a great Ecocity. We’re crossing an overgrown road no longer in use when popping sounds echo in the distance. Of course I shriek, only proving once again that I’m a coward, and I run to catch up to the men.

  I’ve never heard those sounds before but instinct tells me it’s nothing good. I keep glancing over my shoulder, searching in the darkness for whatever made that sound. I’m too busy looking over my shoulder to look where I’m going and I smack hard into Aaron’s back. He looks as nervous as me. He must’ve put up a good act this morning. There is no sign of the formal metropolis official that came to fetch me at my house. He can’t be much older than Ethan, or myself for that matter.

  “That’s a pity.” Chance says, but he doesn’t stop walking. I have to run to catch up to him.

  I notice Ethan counting on his fingers as more pops e
cho into the night. I can only count nine, but there were those in the beginning. Four, it could’ve been six.

  “It sounded like seventeen sho-“

  “Don’t” Chance stops Ethan from finishing his sentence.

  I can’t hold it back. I have to know. “Seventeen what?” I whisper, daring a look in Chance’s direction.

  “Seventeen shots, okay. Seventeen are dead! Ethan, you have to learn to shut your mouth!” He snaps at him, but I stopped listening when he said the word dead.

  I could have been one of them. I immediately feel guilty for thinking of myself first and not of the people who just lost their lives. Ruth can be lying dead out there and no one will know. My lips start to tremble and I try to square my shoulders. I can’t cry, not now. I didn’t even know them all that well. But still, I saw some of those people every day. They didn’t deserve to die like that.

  “We need to move faster.” Chance’s voice isn’t as harsh. I wish it was though, because for some reason, now I want to cry even more.

  I stay next to Chance as we walk, my eyes burning with tears. I miss Dad. I miss my glofish. I miss my bed. I’m tired to the bone. I’m hoping it’s all a nightmare and I’ll wake up soon.

  But I don’t, and the buildings grow taller as we cross a bridge. I can’t see what’s below the bridge, there’s only a massive gaping hole. I quicken my pace to keep up with the men. Chance doesn’t look as scary after hearing those shots and knowing what happened to the others.

  Wild grass pushed its way through the concrete on some places, and as we step off the bridge I trip over something and fall hard to my knees. I grab hold of the very thing I trip over. As I pull myself up I take in the full view of a woman’s concrete face. Spikes dart out around her head, forming a crown. Some have been broken off though. She’s massive!